dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
