My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
