Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
