I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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