I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
