you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
