Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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