In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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