something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
