You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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