It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
