i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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