I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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