Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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