lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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