Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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