I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize