Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize