I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
