She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
God, I missed his penis.
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