I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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