Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
