do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
