im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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