She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
