I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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