A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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