he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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