btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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