i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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