ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
