So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
