my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
