She's JV to your varsity
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
