i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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