And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
