you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
