I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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