She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
