I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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