This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
