I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are a genius and a whore.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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