I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
