idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
