i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
