I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
