The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
