Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
