I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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