they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
