Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
