On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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