i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When are your genitals available?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
