Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
