When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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