I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
