Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
