how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
