I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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