WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
