the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
