So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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