I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
