she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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