Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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