Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
