i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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