so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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