you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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