i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
