hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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