That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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